Hurt

The other day I had freedom on my mind.

Today, I’m thinking about disappointment. About frustration. About heartbreak.

I chose Hurt for the title of this post because events have called to mind the Elvis song by the same name. This is a song about a lover’s betrayal. But the sentiment, the emotion, the way he sings it … well … it fits my mood right now. Maybe yours too.

“Hurt” happens to be one of my favorite Elvis Presley performances.

Life can get you down. It’s hard enough just paying the bills and walking the line each day and keeping every little thing straight and ensuring that you and your kids and other loved ones are protected and safe.

But let’s face it, swirling in and around all that, snapping at your feet at every turn, life can be an endless series of crap.

Letdowns.

Setbacks.

Failures.

All of those and more. Not every day, of course. Occasionally, life is interrupted by a win here and there. Maybe a rare victory. And even more elusive, a sheer triumph once or twice in a lifetime.

Wins … and losses

You secure that dream job. Victory! Then somebody lands the promotion you should have gotten and turns out to be a micromanaging tyrant and now your situation is a nightmare and suddenly so is your dream job.

Maybe the book you’ve been planning in your head for years is finally written and ready to be published, only every literary agent from the Atlantic to the Pacific turns their nose up at it.

You have a child and all is perfect with the world. That little baby is a miracle, a triumph of nature. And then they become a teenager and … well, they turn out to be something a tiny bit less than perfect. At least for the next decade or so!

And then there’s just plain ol’ people. They will betray you. They will disappoint you, frustrate you. They will break your heart. Bosses, relatives, co-workers, fellow citizens. I’m not telling you anything you don’t know when I say the only thing … the only one you can ever truly count on is yourself.

Life will test us all

I’ve had some devastating moments. We all have. Maybe it’s the untimely passing of someone close to you. Maybe if you’re like me, there’s a crush of guilt associated with it. Why didn’t I do more, say more, while they were still with us?

Maybe it’s losing a job. I don’t wish that pain on anyone and if you’ve never lost a job, count your blessings, but I know a lot of us did over the past few years. When my executive manager laid me off over the phone without a solitary word of commiseration or humanity, all I could think of was, what a crappy person they are, and then I thought: how the hell am I going to support my family now?

Life is terrifying. But if I’ve learned anything, it’s that in times like these, we get up, we stand tall and we forge ahead. No, we plunge ahead, we dive ahead, because to do otherwise is unthinkable.

These are the times when I remember my middle school social studies teacher, Mr. McDonald, who carried a little card in his wallet that read:

Never give up. Never, never, never, never, never give up.

I think, too, of the motivational printout I used to have pinned to my fridge with a magnet, which helped me get through the darkest days of the sadistic rejection factory known as television news. It said, simply:

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yes.

I’ve been on that seemingly uphill climb more times than I care to recount. I keep a groaningly-large manila folder of rejection letters just to remind me of those Sisyphean times. Guess what? I eventually made it to yes. Every time.

But here’s the thing. Sometimes you’re on the verge of that yes. So convinced it’s coming. Convinced this is your big chance at victory. At triumph. The brass ring is right there. You can feel it with your fingertips. And in those moments you convince yourself, “This is it. This is the moment.” But then you find out, well, actually … it’s not. Nope, not gonna happen today.

Don’t give up, and don’t forget

You know what I do in these moments? I remember the soulless news director who nearly derailed my career and who fought me in court just to keep me from getting a job in that town. Spoiler: I got a better job just up the road.

I think of the talent agent who told me I’d never be a news anchor. Spoiler: I was.

I recall the communications manager (my boss at the time) who told me I just wasn’t management material. Spoiler: I was.

I want to hold a grudge against these people. I really do. But I can’t. I’m grateful to them in a way. Because they remind me of all the times in my life I peeled myself off the linoleum and stood on two feet and took one step forward. And then another. And then another.

So, maybe I was foolish for putting some thoughts down on this blog the other day and calling it, Now or never. Not 24 hours after I penned that post, I realized that okay, maybe it really isn’t going to be now. Maybe today was not the day. Maybe it’s not in the cards right now.

Yeah, maybe not. But it sure as hell ain’t gonna be never. Never is not an option. Never is giving up. Never is when you’re dead.

Never is a word that’s good for one thing and one thing only. When it leads off the powerful little mantra my teacher once shared with me:

Never give up. Never, never, never, never, never.