The U.S. and the UK are two countries separated by a common language. Some British bloke said that. I think it was either George Bernard Shaw or Rowan Atkinson. Whoever it was, he wasn’t wrong.
I’m reading this thriller by a British author. At least it’s supposed to be a thriller, but 60 pages in, it’s been all exposition and hints and feels but no thrills at all, save a very cryptic one page prologue — about a car crash maybe?
The next scores of pages describe in excruciating detail the narrator’s extreme angst at being invited to and attending a old (former) friend’s “hen do” during which something terrible is going to happen (I’m told, based on the breathless back cover quotes).
What’s a hen to do?
Hen do. That’s what got me started on noticing this book’s ramped-up language duality. I’ve read many other works by British authors, Paula Hawkins, for instance. Even Australian best-selling authors such as Liane Moriarty. I will say there isn’t as much translation required with Australian English. But British … well.
There are many videos out there translating English into English, apparently.
It’s almost as if I’m back in school reading Les Miserables in the original French, with the English-French dictionary at my side. Thus far, in this British thriller novel, here are all the things I had to Google or just scratch my noodle over:
- Hen do / hen night — in the U.S. we’d call it a bachelorette party. How would American brides-to-be like being compared to female chickens, I wonder?
- Trainers — sneakers or running shoes
- Beavering — working hard or making oneself busy (but seriously?)
- Hoover up — to eat or drink quickly. A unique-to-UK verb derived from a brand name. Kind of like in the U.S. “to Xerox” something, but does anyone actually say that anymore?
- Verge — edge of the road, shoulder, or curb
- Fag — cigarette, but I can’t believe people still use this word for any meaning
- Fetched up — not sure I got a good answer on this one (Stopping suddenly? Arriving? Vomiting?)
- Drystone — a stone wall without any mortar holding it together (Seems real secure)
- Sat nav — we’d call it GPS
- Tosser — an unpleasant person (at least that’s the PG definition)
- Obvs — obviously. Why do the Brits feel the need to abbreviate things in this affected way?
- Champers — champagne (see comment above)
- Freshers — freshman year (see comment above)
- Uni — college or university (see comment above)
- Piccie — photo (see comment above)
- Full stop — Americans would punctuate the end of a firm declaration with, “period.”
And that’s my list. Mind you, I’m only 20% through the book. Maybe everything I’m saying is rubbish. Maybe I’ve been sitting here on my bum too long writing this. Maybe I just need a proper holiday.
Full stop.